I love my children, I love my husband. Why is it so bad to want to spend a bit of time away from them and outside the four walls that make up our apartment? Why is it bad that I feel energized by being away? It sounds horrible, but when I'm here all the time, I think everyone (including me) takes that for granted.
Mom will kiss the boo-boos. Mom will make dinner. Mom will vacuum and do laundry. Later I'll read that story to the boys. Later I'll spend some adult time with my husband.
Yet, I apply and apply and apply for jobs and no one seems interested in me. I did get THREE rejection letters. Sadly one of them was from Target. The other two came from the hospital I had the boys at. Apparently I'm not qualified to serve food or clean hospital rooms.
I'm considering checking out Rosetta Stone for Spanish from the library. Every other job posting is looking for someone that's bilingual.
I hate being unemployed. I don't feel useful. I don't feel needed by anyone outside the family. And while I am needed inside the family, I don't necessarily feel appreciated.
Yes, that's important to me.
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Kitchen BEFORE pictures
I won't have AFTER pictures for a while, but I wanted you to see the before pictures.
The silverware drawer. I have a nice Reed & Barton set of silverware, to include all the great serving pieces and ICED TEA spoons. As you can see, we only have a little drawer thingy. I have the boys' spoons in an Ikea container and the boys' forks just thrown in. My R&B steak knives are in a plastic bag. Pathetic huh? Bed Bath and Beyond has these great organizers, can't wait for that unlimited money day because I will be buying at least three different organizers.
The specialty drawer. Yep, that's a mini cake pan holding most of the specialty stuff like ice cream scoops, corn pickers, spatulas, the boys' bumpy name labels and several other miscellaneous items are in this drawer. Oh, yeah, and the plug for hte griddle. (which btw also needs to be replaced.)
Junk drawer. Wow, it's a narrow drawer. But, it's a great place for charger cords, scotch tape, batteries and the Ikea clips.
The silverware drawer. I have a nice Reed & Barton set of silverware, to include all the great serving pieces and ICED TEA spoons. As you can see, we only have a little drawer thingy. I have the boys' spoons in an Ikea container and the boys' forks just thrown in. My R&B steak knives are in a plastic bag. Pathetic huh? Bed Bath and Beyond has these great organizers, can't wait for that unlimited money day because I will be buying at least three different organizers.
The specialty drawer. Yep, that's a mini cake pan holding most of the specialty stuff like ice cream scoops, corn pickers, spatulas, the boys' bumpy name labels and several other miscellaneous items are in this drawer. Oh, yeah, and the plug for hte griddle. (which btw also needs to be replaced.)
Junk drawer. Wow, it's a narrow drawer. But, it's a great place for charger cords, scotch tape, batteries and the Ikea clips.
Monday, July 18, 2011
Six years ago ................
I was in the hospital, getting all drugged up for my first birth. It had been an ungodly hot summer that year and I was working outside at Disney's Typhoon Lagoon. I went for my 40 week check up and the dr didn't like what he saw in terms of my measurements.
So, I got an ultrasound right then and there. It showed my amnio fluids, which had been high all along, had dropped significantly. As in from 22 down to 5. L&D readers will know what that means....all I knew is that it meant I was being sent to be induced.
My mom (herein known as Nana) had flown in and gone to the appt with me, we swung by the apt to get Eric. I spent the next few hours getting prepped and checked, got my epidural and slept for a while in between contractions. Honest to God, I have no recollection if Nana and Eric stayed, or just Eric or just Nana.
It was a restless night. I was a day from my due date and just wanted it to be over.
The story of Sam's name:
Samuel comes from my great-grandfather on my paternal grandmother's side. It was a middle name, but we liked it for a first name.
Anthony is Eric's middle name as well as his dad's. FIL actually goes by Tony.
So, while I had a restless night ahead of me, I at least had an email from my sister wishing me luck, my mom, and my husband.
Around 10p.m. I was begging for food. Prior to my 11a.m. appt, I'd had poptarts for breakfast. Nothing since. So, the dr came to check me. Yeah, 3cm. *rolling eyes*
My mom went down to find some microwave food for me....it was actually decent mac-n-cheese.
More tomorrow....the day of his birth!
So, I got an ultrasound right then and there. It showed my amnio fluids, which had been high all along, had dropped significantly. As in from 22 down to 5. L&D readers will know what that means....all I knew is that it meant I was being sent to be induced.
My mom (herein known as Nana) had flown in and gone to the appt with me, we swung by the apt to get Eric. I spent the next few hours getting prepped and checked, got my epidural and slept for a while in between contractions. Honest to God, I have no recollection if Nana and Eric stayed, or just Eric or just Nana.
It was a restless night. I was a day from my due date and just wanted it to be over.
The story of Sam's name:
Samuel comes from my great-grandfather on my paternal grandmother's side. It was a middle name, but we liked it for a first name.
Anthony is Eric's middle name as well as his dad's. FIL actually goes by Tony.
So, while I had a restless night ahead of me, I at least had an email from my sister wishing me luck, my mom, and my husband.
Around 10p.m. I was begging for food. Prior to my 11a.m. appt, I'd had poptarts for breakfast. Nothing since. So, the dr came to check me. Yeah, 3cm. *rolling eyes*
My mom went down to find some microwave food for me....it was actually decent mac-n-cheese.
More tomorrow....the day of his birth!
Friday, July 15, 2011
honey banana whole wheat bread
OH MY YUMMINESS! Will come back to post a picture.
Maybe I'll actually get my bathroom cleaned today. The boys' bathroom is fairly clean as is their bedroom, but their closet is a freaking disaster zone. I have a mini war zone in the kitchen from making bread, but at least the dishwasher is clean.
Maybe I'll actually get my bathroom cleaned today. The boys' bathroom is fairly clean as is their bedroom, but their closet is a freaking disaster zone. I have a mini war zone in the kitchen from making bread, but at least the dishwasher is clean.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
So far today............
I fed the boys and then took them to Walmart to check a few things off my list, cleaned up the disaster that was known as the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, made a double-batch of laundry soap, put together a floor lamp, and hung a wall clock.....all before noon.
The rest of the day SHOULD include:
washing our sheets
making two loaves of bread....one white wheat; the other banana at least I have ingredients now
vacuuming
wiping down the table
sewing the other half of a large quilt
designing/sewing a tooth fairy pillow for Sam (he picked fabric to match his tec me blanket)
LIBRARY to update my resume so I can stop copying and pasting into a Notepad document. We don't have Office on either computer and I don't like the Open Office programs. So I'll be going to the local library this afternoon while my boys relax with Daddy.
I'd like to clean the bathroom, but I don't see that one happening.
I am happy to report, however, I checked off a floor lamp for the living room and a desk lamp for the bedroom this morning. I will be SOOOOOOOO glad when we have light in those rooms tonight. and it was so nice!
Updated at 11:20 p.m. with what I accomplished today. VERY happy with decision to go to library.
The rest of the day SHOULD include:
making two loaves of bread....one white wheat; the other banana at least I have ingredients now
designing/sewing a tooth fairy pillow for Sam (he picked fabric to match his tec me blanket)
I'd like to clean the bathroom, but I don't see that one happening.
I am happy to report, however, I checked off a floor lamp for the living room and a desk lamp for the bedroom this morning. I will be SOOOOOOOO glad when we have light in those rooms tonight. and it was so nice!
Updated at 11:20 p.m. with what I accomplished today. VERY happy with decision to go to library.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Today is day number TWO
Of Henry spending 2+ hours in his room and not sleeping. OKay, yesterday, he did in fact fall asleep at 2:35....having been in there since noon.
And I'm a HORRIBLE mommy because I checked on him, smelled the stench and decided to leave him be. I cannot change that child with a poopy diaper while he is sleeping, certainly not when he's only been asleep for 10 minutes. Sure enough, I had to hose him down because it was front to back. We're doing a juice reduction day today. AS in less than 2 oz. He's NEVER been like this unless sick, so we'll have to see what else comes my way.
However, he's still awake after 3 hours and I'm not getting him. It's quiet around here. I'm getting some Tec Me Quilts stuff done and Sam has read to me and practiced writing his numbers and name. (5 weeks off has done a ton of harm to his handwriting, I am 100000000% convinced he's a natural leftie)
And I'm a HORRIBLE mommy because I checked on him, smelled the stench and decided to leave him be. I cannot change that child with a poopy diaper while he is sleeping, certainly not when he's only been asleep for 10 minutes. Sure enough, I had to hose him down because it was front to back. We're doing a juice reduction day today. AS in less than 2 oz. He's NEVER been like this unless sick, so we'll have to see what else comes my way.
However, he's still awake after 3 hours and I'm not getting him. It's quiet around here. I'm getting some Tec Me Quilts stuff done and Sam has read to me and practiced writing his numbers and name. (5 weeks off has done a ton of harm to his handwriting, I am 100000000% convinced he's a natural leftie)
I made bread!!!
Here's the recipe for my Breadman. I love this recipe. It makes AWESOME toast, but wouldn't use it for french toast, the density seems to just absorb all the egg. But add some Nutella and oh my, I'm in heaven.
I lay out all my ingredients first. It just seems to be time-saving for me. Kind of like on the cooking shows. I just know if I take my time to measure out everything first, I don't worry about screwing up the recipe while I'm trying to count out 6 tsp of yeast, kwim? And yes, it's also in the order I have to put it in the pan. The water and oil were measured out when I needed them, which was first. Then sugar, salt, baking soda, bread flour, wheat flour, bread machine yeast.
Everything's in the pan, the pan is in the maker. This particular setting makes a 2-lb loaf in 59 minutes. Which is great because I can set it up during nap time and by dinner we can have cooled, fresh bread!!
The finished product!! Absolutely the best loaf I've ever made. It came out of the pan easily, the mixer thingy even stayed in the pan, not the loaf. I don't have a cooling rack, so I made my own using my grease splash guard and a dinner plate. LOL Worked out great.
Fwiw, I've made bread a bunch of times before....I just wanted to document it this time.
I lay out all my ingredients first. It just seems to be time-saving for me. Kind of like on the cooking shows. I just know if I take my time to measure out everything first, I don't worry about screwing up the recipe while I'm trying to count out 6 tsp of yeast, kwim? And yes, it's also in the order I have to put it in the pan. The water and oil were measured out when I needed them, which was first. Then sugar, salt, baking soda, bread flour, wheat flour, bread machine yeast.
Everything's in the pan, the pan is in the maker. This particular setting makes a 2-lb loaf in 59 minutes. Which is great because I can set it up during nap time and by dinner we can have cooled, fresh bread!!
The finished product!! Absolutely the best loaf I've ever made. It came out of the pan easily, the mixer thingy even stayed in the pan, not the loaf. I don't have a cooling rack, so I made my own using my grease splash guard and a dinner plate. LOL Worked out great.
Fwiw, I've made bread a bunch of times before....I just wanted to document it this time.
Monday, July 11, 2011
Found a new place to order fabrics~
And I already have new ideas running through my head, including Tooth Fairy pillows since Sammy lost his first tooth this afternoon. Head over to the new Fabric Fairy site and check it out. They have fabrics, notions, patterns and MORE! And can check out Fabric Fairy on Facebook too!
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Sam & HJ updates
Sam
Sam's repeating kindergarten this fall, but it will be a completely different program in a totally different state/district. In fact, it will be full day and he'll eat lunch with the same kids he spends all day with.
His speech is coming clearer every day and most people that don't know him really don't notice the delays. Until they see him around other 5/6 year olds and then it becomes more apparent. He's doing a bit more toe-walking and excited jumping, but really, it's only while he's playing a game on the Wii. We make him sit down and that usually works for a while.
His eating habits are improving. I sneak in things like pork by telling him it's "special chicken nuggets". I finally have him eating ham regularly on pizza. We've eliminated nightshades from his diet almost completely. Daddy lets him sneak chips or fries on occasion, but for the most part he gets the whole "not Sammy safe" explanation. I guess it's kind of helped that he has friends with nut allergies at school.
We're noticing a difference in his eczema. It's just amazing....especially when three days after chips or fries, his legs are all red and bumpy again. We read labels carefully. Certain things are okay, like Cheetohs and Goldfish, but others like CheezIts are not. His favorite foods right now are pizza (just ham and cheese), cookies, green beans, peas, and watermelon. His favorite drinks are chobby (chocolate milk) and Crystal Light Focus Natural Citrus Splash (after discovering mine!).
We also see a difference in his understanding. Granted, we still see temper tantrums, but he seems to be catching on to other ideas and remembering things more easily. Since alkaloids affect the neurotransmitters and we're eliminating them.....his brain is seeing more activity. Can't wait to talk to his neuro about it!!
Shirts: 6/7
Pants: 4/5 with elastic band....the 6/7 fall right off
Shoes: 12.5
Height: 44"
Weight: 46 lbs
HJ
Henry has a re-eval for speech on August 2 down in Lakeland. Sucks we have to drive that far since Orlando is much closer, but I get the whole county jurisdiction I guess. I'd rather take him to Celebration Health and have him see whoever they have there now. It's only a few miles from us.
I'd say his speech is understood by me about 75% of the time and by everyone else about 40-50% of the time. But I'm with him 100% of the time these days. I credit sending him to day care for a few months earlier this year with his development. He is definitely a kid that needs the social interaction with kids his own age. I have a friend that is moving to the area later this month with kids between the boys....so that should be much better for both of mine!
HJ is constantly telling us he has to go potty, but just wants to play in there. I wish there was a way to do the 3-day PT trick, but with carpeting? I don't dare try it. I really think he'd get it.
Henry is my good eater, will eat just about anything, except kiwi and green beans. He loves raw carrots, squash, hotdogs, and cookies. His favorite drinks are milk and juice.
Shirts: 3T
Pants: 2T
Shoes: 8
Height: not really sure
Weight: 29 lbs
Sam's repeating kindergarten this fall, but it will be a completely different program in a totally different state/district. In fact, it will be full day and he'll eat lunch with the same kids he spends all day with.
His speech is coming clearer every day and most people that don't know him really don't notice the delays. Until they see him around other 5/6 year olds and then it becomes more apparent. He's doing a bit more toe-walking and excited jumping, but really, it's only while he's playing a game on the Wii. We make him sit down and that usually works for a while.
His eating habits are improving. I sneak in things like pork by telling him it's "special chicken nuggets". I finally have him eating ham regularly on pizza. We've eliminated nightshades from his diet almost completely. Daddy lets him sneak chips or fries on occasion, but for the most part he gets the whole "not Sammy safe" explanation. I guess it's kind of helped that he has friends with nut allergies at school.
We're noticing a difference in his eczema. It's just amazing....especially when three days after chips or fries, his legs are all red and bumpy again. We read labels carefully. Certain things are okay, like Cheetohs and Goldfish, but others like CheezIts are not. His favorite foods right now are pizza (just ham and cheese), cookies, green beans, peas, and watermelon. His favorite drinks are chobby (chocolate milk) and Crystal Light Focus Natural Citrus Splash (after discovering mine!).
We also see a difference in his understanding. Granted, we still see temper tantrums, but he seems to be catching on to other ideas and remembering things more easily. Since alkaloids affect the neurotransmitters and we're eliminating them.....his brain is seeing more activity. Can't wait to talk to his neuro about it!!
Shirts: 6/7
Pants: 4/5 with elastic band....the 6/7 fall right off
Shoes: 12.5
Height: 44"
Weight: 46 lbs
HJ
Henry has a re-eval for speech on August 2 down in Lakeland. Sucks we have to drive that far since Orlando is much closer, but I get the whole county jurisdiction I guess. I'd rather take him to Celebration Health and have him see whoever they have there now. It's only a few miles from us.
I'd say his speech is understood by me about 75% of the time and by everyone else about 40-50% of the time. But I'm with him 100% of the time these days. I credit sending him to day care for a few months earlier this year with his development. He is definitely a kid that needs the social interaction with kids his own age. I have a friend that is moving to the area later this month with kids between the boys....so that should be much better for both of mine!
HJ is constantly telling us he has to go potty, but just wants to play in there. I wish there was a way to do the 3-day PT trick, but with carpeting? I don't dare try it. I really think he'd get it.
Henry is my good eater, will eat just about anything, except kiwi and green beans. He loves raw carrots, squash, hotdogs, and cookies. His favorite drinks are milk and juice.
Shirts: 3T
Pants: 2T
Shoes: 8
Height: not really sure
Weight: 29 lbs
Friday, July 8, 2011
As I return to blogging
I'm left wondering what to write. Some say I write too much personal. But this is my blog to write, not theirs.
Ask my parents and my siblings, I've been an open book for as long as I could open my mouth. I've learned to filter, but probably not as much as I should. However, I also believe that if you don't tell someone that you are having a problem, then they can't help you.
This is a concept I've struggled with for a LONG time. I don't know exactly how to ask someone for help. Especially asking for help and then letting go of the idea that someone is actually going to help me and it might not be exactly the way I want it done.
Take my husband for example. He tries so hard to help me sometimes. but I get after him about doing it wrong, then he just gives up. Today, I took the boys shopping, came home with two gallons of milk. Eric just pops them into the fridge. Not bothering to bring the near empty container to the front. So, I just told him "thanks for helping, babe, but things need to go in certain places."
I have few friends that I have asked for help and that know me well enough to say "how do you want it done?" or "Is this way okay?"
I know it's a control freak thing. A counselor once told me that the less someone tries to help me, the more controlling I become. That I need to accept the help and let it be.
Much easier said that done.
Ask my parents and my siblings, I've been an open book for as long as I could open my mouth. I've learned to filter, but probably not as much as I should. However, I also believe that if you don't tell someone that you are having a problem, then they can't help you.
This is a concept I've struggled with for a LONG time. I don't know exactly how to ask someone for help. Especially asking for help and then letting go of the idea that someone is actually going to help me and it might not be exactly the way I want it done.
Take my husband for example. He tries so hard to help me sometimes. but I get after him about doing it wrong, then he just gives up. Today, I took the boys shopping, came home with two gallons of milk. Eric just pops them into the fridge. Not bothering to bring the near empty container to the front. So, I just told him "thanks for helping, babe, but things need to go in certain places."
I have few friends that I have asked for help and that know me well enough to say "how do you want it done?" or "Is this way okay?"
I know it's a control freak thing. A counselor once told me that the less someone tries to help me, the more controlling I become. That I need to accept the help and let it be.
Much easier said that done.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Unlimited money, I would buy the following at.....
Ikea
2 Trofast with shelves, not bins
kitchen utensils
11" square fry pan (perfect for cheese quesadillas for Sammy)
another set of black dishes because I refuse to buy anymore paper plates
another set of kids plates because they are great for lunches
a roll of paper for the easel
some kind of storage ottoman
three sets of wooden hangers
lightweight covers for the boys' beds (they love their dinosaur comforters but they're heavy)
might even look at some fabric!
Bed Bath & Beyond
Tervis Tumblers--enough for each of us to have two
drawer organizers....my silverware drawer is an atrocity right now (~$60)
Target
lamps 7/14/11
shorts--living in FL you need more than 2 pair
removable shower head....so Eric doesn't have to constantly move ours
trash can for the kitchen
2 laundry baskets or even a laundry sorter
Shark
scale
grill pan (square stove top pan for grilling---I want some grilled salmon!)
welcome mat
kitchen mat
bath mat for the boys' bathroom (fishy pattern)
Walmart
curtains & tension rod I found last week for the boys' room (total $25)
rug for under our dining room table ($20)
Ivory soap to make homemade laundry soap
Aveeno baby
Oil of Olay Ribbons (pink) 7/14/11
Costco
Nutella (best deal anywhere)
BOB books for Sammy. Have two sets, just need the other three.
diapers
wipes
trash bags
ziploc bags of all sizes
Cascade
2 Trofast with shelves, not bins
kitchen utensils
11" square fry pan (perfect for cheese quesadillas for Sammy)
another set of black dishes because I refuse to buy anymore paper plates
another set of kids plates because they are great for lunches
a roll of paper for the easel
some kind of storage ottoman
three sets of wooden hangers
lightweight covers for the boys' beds (they love their dinosaur comforters but they're heavy)
might even look at some fabric!
Bed Bath & Beyond
Tervis Tumblers--enough for each of us to have two
drawer organizers....my silverware drawer is an atrocity right now (~$60)
Target
shorts--living in FL you need more than 2 pair
removable shower head....so Eric doesn't have to constantly move ours
trash can for the kitchen
2 laundry baskets or even a laundry sorter
Shark
scale
grill pan (square stove top pan for grilling---I want some grilled salmon!)
welcome mat
kitchen mat
bath mat for the boys' bathroom (fishy pattern)
Walmart
curtains & tension rod I found last week for the boys' room (total $25)
rug for under our dining room table ($20)
Ivory soap to make homemade laundry soap
Aveeno baby
Costco
Nutella (best deal anywhere)
BOB books for Sammy. Have two sets, just need the other three.
diapers
wipes
trash bags
ziploc bags of all sizes
Cascade
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Thoughts on Casey Anthony
1. She's guilty
2. The jurors had an incredibly tough job. The law does not allow for what we believe to be admitted as evidence. If so, Casey would be looking at a death penalty right now, not walking out of jail with time served. (Because you know that's what is going to happen.....4 counts of lying to law enforcement, each carrying a MAXIMUM sentence of 1 year. She's been in jail three years now.)
3. The media sensationalized this case from the start. Didn't help that we had people like John Morgan, Jose Baez, and Leonard Padilla involved either. Add in Nancy Grace and you've got America tuned in for YEARS.
4. If a parent can be prosecuted for their child skipping school, then a parent who fails to report their missing for 30+ days should also be prosecuted for neglect and abuse.
5. If a parent LIES to police about the whereabouts of dead child, causing time, money and volunteer efforts to be wasted searching for said child, she should be held criminally liable for any resources that could have been used to search for and/or save other missing children.
6. The entire state of Florida is NOT to blame for Caylee's death or Casey being found not guilty. That was decided by a jury of her "peers". Please see #2.
7. A jury of her peers would have included more women with young children, not saying all 12 jurors should have fit this, but more of them.
8. If you wish to blame someone for Casey winning her case, blame the Prosecution. They didn't provide enough information, viable evidence, or shoot holes through the Defense's claims of a drowning and of abuse.
9. I don't believe for one hot second George Anthony abused his daughter. She has been proven to be a pathological liar. I do believe that he has known for some time that his daughter was involved in Caylee's death and couldn't prove it.
10. Cindy Anthony is undoubtedly involved in this just as much as Casey. I'm sorry, but who the hell (aside from a teacher or student work on a project) googles "chorophyll"???
2. The jurors had an incredibly tough job. The law does not allow for what we believe to be admitted as evidence. If so, Casey would be looking at a death penalty right now, not walking out of jail with time served. (Because you know that's what is going to happen.....4 counts of lying to law enforcement, each carrying a MAXIMUM sentence of 1 year. She's been in jail three years now.)
3. The media sensationalized this case from the start. Didn't help that we had people like John Morgan, Jose Baez, and Leonard Padilla involved either. Add in Nancy Grace and you've got America tuned in for YEARS.
4. If a parent can be prosecuted for their child skipping school, then a parent who fails to report their missing for 30+ days should also be prosecuted for neglect and abuse.
5. If a parent LIES to police about the whereabouts of dead child, causing time, money and volunteer efforts to be wasted searching for said child, she should be held criminally liable for any resources that could have been used to search for and/or save other missing children.
6. The entire state of Florida is NOT to blame for Caylee's death or Casey being found not guilty. That was decided by a jury of her "peers". Please see #2.
7. A jury of her peers would have included more women with young children, not saying all 12 jurors should have fit this, but more of them.
8. If you wish to blame someone for Casey winning her case, blame the Prosecution. They didn't provide enough information, viable evidence, or shoot holes through the Defense's claims of a drowning and of abuse.
9. I don't believe for one hot second George Anthony abused his daughter. She has been proven to be a pathological liar. I do believe that he has known for some time that his daughter was involved in Caylee's death and couldn't prove it.
10. Cindy Anthony is undoubtedly involved in this just as much as Casey. I'm sorry, but who the hell (aside from a teacher or student work on a project) googles "chorophyll"???
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