A note to employers

Dear Employers,

With some areas of the country at an unemployment rate of around 10%, we all agree it's difficult to find a job.  ANY job.  Be it part-time or full-time, with or without benefits.  It's hard.  Please keep in mind that the numbers don't reflect the reality of unemployment.  Here's my reality and wish: hire someone, save a marriage.

More specifically, hire my husband and save his marriage.

Sincerely,
me

More than a spare tire.

One thing I learned early in mommy hood was to keep extra clothing in the car. I had an LOP box. My lack of planning box as my husband called it. It started out as just spare clothing in case of diaper accident. Slowly I added to it. At it's height of use, I had replacements of everything. Sadly the boys are older 3 & 7, so I've gotten away from using it.

Last night it struck me that rather than using a box, I could actually use my old diaper bag. It's just sitting in the closet and since a while back I inked their initials onto it, really can't give it away.

So, here's a useful list of items that can grow with your child.  I'm making this list toddler/preschooler friendly since that's what Henry is.

• change of clothing....rotate seasonally or when his/her size changes
• pair of pajamas....ever been out later than planned only to take an overtired child to bed in their clothes? well, no more!
• toothbrush with or without tooth paste.............goes along with the above
• clean sippy cup
• baby wipes..........because you just never know when you'll need them
• children's meds.......rotate these every couple months as they do expire, but it's nice to have them on hand for bad bumps or insect bites.  don't forget the syringe to administer it and a baggie to put it in after

It's 540 and it's awake

I'm not sure WHY he's awake or even when he fell asleep last night, but Sam is already up for the day. Eric said they went for a super long walk. And normally, I'd wonder, but given the fact Sam was completely out when I got home at 8, yeah, pretty sure it happened.

The challenge with him going to sleep so early is that he's up early. Neither of the boys understand the concept of sleeping past a given number of hours.  Honestly I'm surprised Henry's not awake yet, he was out by 630 last night.

Toy sorting, whatever works

Three days off and I felt I had accomplished. I took the following pictures as I was trying to sort through toys. Mainly I just wound up with another mess because of course I had to go back to work today.

I love my job, really truly love my job. I rarely go home and complain about the people I work with or the actual job I do. But there are many days when I wish I could be part-time again. So that I could realistically stay up as late as I wanted and just get stuff done. But alas my body loves sleep and my kids love getting up at the butt crack of dawn. So, I don't stay up late anymore.

So here are my "in process" pictures of trying to sort toys. First by type, then we'll decide what gets kept, sold, donated or thrown away.

I'm posting on my mobile device (iPod Touch), so I'm unsure of which pic is posting first. Basically a photo of two large boxes of misc toys and toy parts. Also a photo of my smaller toy containers, and some cardboard boxes, with the process already started.

It's Saturday night at 10, I'm in bed and not much more progress has happened. Judge me if you will, but right now I'm considering myself extremely lucky to have a 7yo snuggled up next to me and THAT is a little more important.

Benefits of being an ASD mom

Same lunch every day. The carrots are a new addition. Previously, Sam would gag and choke with the first bite. And those that know, gagging is VERY bad news. It not only means a pissed off child, but it can lead to a huge mess.....at the table.....during dinner.

So here's today's lunch. No Bento necessary, just a Funtainer from Thermos (Perdue Whole Grain Chicken Nuggets), a couple of Take-n-Yoss bowls (watermelon and carrots), and Capri Sun. I've used the TnT since he was an infant, just buying new. Guess what?? It's cheaper than Ziploc and easier for him to open.

A return of sorts

I've committed myself to blogging as a means of building time for me back into my schedule.  Also, it could mean that if I share stuff here, I'll have more time, energy, and definitely a clearer mind to be a better mommy and wife.

So, I'll be back later to determine something to post here.  I know I need an IEP update for Sam, and those interested probably want to hear what Henry is doing new these days....you know, aside from being my new favorite PITA. 

Here's a BRIEF update:

• Sam: currently in first grade, doing VERY well in reading, struggling with math, is one of the most literal thinking 7yo I know. He is building a very awesome friendship with another boy in our complex. 
• Henry: knows his letters and sound, but really no interest in writing yet.  Well, at least not on paper, his current favorite location to write/draw is any wall in our apartment. At nearly 4yo, he is NOT potty-trained and showing little interest in it.
• Eric: seriously getting down to business on getting back to work. 

I can't remember the last sleep

That was good and not interrupted by someone or something. The past two nights the boys have been up (individually). Sam was up Saturday night because he heard the tv at 230 (thank you Daddy), then I couldn't get back to sleep.

Last night Henry woke up crying and SOAKED. Got him changed and had to rub his forehead til he fell back to sleep. That was at 130 took me over an hour to fall asleep.

Keeping in mind that I have to be AT work by 645 means I'm up by 445 and out the door at 545, two little boys keeping up isn't fun. And it means I'm not very awake.

My days off are weekdays. And that means I'm up at 600 to get Sam up and ready for bed.

I may just pick a random Saturday off and utilize a floating holiday just to sleep in. But I'm sure one of the three will find a way to destroy it for me.

Breaking point

Everybody has one. Some reach it faster than others. Others just never seem to get there until it's too late. Stressors are different for everyone.

I generally try to make life easier for my family. In some ways, I don't feel like I've been successful lately. In other ways I feel I've made it too easy and therefore made it difficult for me.

I admit to wanting/needing to be in control. I also fully admit that I get upset (sometimes irrationally) when I am not in control of a situation. However, a counselor once told me, the less control someone else has in a situation, the more I will cling to that control.

In other words, my freak out isn't due to MY not being in control, it's due to NO ONE being in control. The harder I try to relinquish "control" the more extreme the reality is for more when it's not taken over by someone else.

When you hear "it will all work out for the best," you don't believe it. What exactly does the best mean? And best for who?

I believe everyone has a fate, a destiny, that God has a plan for each of us. I also believe that God helps those who help themselves. And to me that statement has two meanings.

The first being that God has a plan, but you can't sit back and wait. You need to take action to do what's necessary and He'll provide everything else.

The second meaning, and this is a 2am revelation, is that you can turn the wording around a little to read: God helps those who they themselves help. By that I mean, God will help you as you help others.

I try to be a good friend, offering prayers and support, suggestions when asked, even giving a few items away if necessary. I know it comes back to me.

At the same time, I constantly feel an immense about of stress and recently hit a point where a full blown panic attack occurred for the first time in many years. My body shuts down in a variety of ways, but this was a big breaking point. I felt like I was drowning, stopping several times to purposefully hold my breath thinking it would help me breathe.

I mentioned it's 2am and you might wonder why I'm awake. Well, for starters, Henry woke up screaming and soaking wet. Took me a while to get him changed and back to sleep. Then I realized I hadn't put that load of laundry in. (it is necessary so I have clean work pants tomorrow)

What is distressing to me is that my alarm will go off at 445. And the other thought is that I was awake for two hours Saturday night as well because Sam woke up.

This is just late night rambling, but I find it's when I do my best thinking.

If you know me in real life, you know I run a little high strung. I'm working in it, really I am. I'd like nothing more than to be taken care of, to be part of a cohesive team, and to raise Sam and Henry do they are self-sufficient.

Lately though, I feel like I am failing miserably. Hence the panic attack, the high stress, lack of sleep and constant desire to not do anything to help others. I can't help myself, how can I help others?

Diagnosis & progress....

I have been slacking in the area of getting Sam to a neuropsych for a full diagnosis. I need to call and get a new list for the Orlando area.

That said, I do want to share some things that you might not know. While Sam is very mildly on the spectrum he is most definitely on it.

Some kids rock or bang their head, Sam will hit himself in the head. Repeatedly.

Some kids arm flap, snap, have some level of constant movement. Sam's flapping happens during periods of excitement/happiness but is beyond what would be normal behavior. He hears music and canNOT sit still.

Sam will make eye contact but not maintain it.

On the subject of contact, Sam is actually quite affectionate. He frequently sleeps with/between us for that closeness. But he is still learning boundaries and it's not going well when it involves me.

Writing is very hard for Sam but even more so if he has to transition from the board to his desk. We're going to have his eyes checked to make sure there isn't a problem there.

More later......

My husband finally quit smoking

It's just been a week and while he's had a back-up plan on 2mg of gum, he's pretty much done it cold turkey. I'm so proud of him.

I hope that this continues.