Reaching goals via a new teammate

I'm a good trainer, dare I say better than good? No, I won't do that. But I know my limitations.

Which was a topic for a previous post, not today.  Today, I continue my mission to talk myself up more.  I have a new teammate.  I've had him for two training sessons and today I helped him on his first solo day.

One thing I struggle with is introducing myself to leaders in my area.  So, as a means of getting used to reaching out my own hand, I made sure to introduce my teammate to leaders and coworkers he might come into contact with. It was good practice during our training days because last week, I purposely sought out the park duty manager at opening.

Turns out, he's from the same hometown as my dad.  Made my day.

Okay, so here it is

I have hard time bragging about myself.  I mean, I LOVE LOVE LOVE to talk to people about everything.  But, when it comes to singing my accolades, I just can't seem to do it very well.  I had a sit-down with a leader recently where I said maybe I need to start talking about myself kind of like a third person.  Not in third person, but more like I'm talking about someone else.....more like acting.  Pretending to be someone else that really is me.  I know, you're not likely following what I'm saying.

I second-guess myself.  A LOT.  Too much in fact.  I'm quick to say what I don't do right or can't accomplish.  Yet I hesitate to say what I do well.  So I'm going to start a list here so I can add to it.

• I use social media to update my coworkers when there is a change in parking, block-out dates, or general work information
• I use the same social media to assist coworkers in switching their shifts, especially those that don't have access to social media.
• I do a lot of communicating, to the point my teammates tease me about my emails.  (though few will admit how helpful it's been)

bronchitis and sensitive gag reflex do NOT mix

In fact, they make for a very yucky combination and a miserable 7yo child.  So miserable, that he's barely eaten since last weekend.  He did eat an entire Happy Meal last night, but that was pretty much it for the entire day.  It's 1:20 now and he's yet to eat anything today.  His philosophy?  can't puke what you don't eat.

A note to employers

Dear Employers,

With some areas of the country at an unemployment rate of around 10%, we all agree it's difficult to find a job.  ANY job.  Be it part-time or full-time, with or without benefits.  It's hard.  Please keep in mind that the numbers don't reflect the reality of unemployment.  Here's my reality and wish: hire someone, save a marriage.

More specifically, hire my husband and save his marriage.

Sincerely,
me

More than a spare tire.

One thing I learned early in mommy hood was to keep extra clothing in the car. I had an LOP box. My lack of planning box as my husband called it. It started out as just spare clothing in case of diaper accident. Slowly I added to it. At it's height of use, I had replacements of everything. Sadly the boys are older 3 & 7, so I've gotten away from using it.

Last night it struck me that rather than using a box, I could actually use my old diaper bag. It's just sitting in the closet and since a while back I inked their initials onto it, really can't give it away.

So, here's a useful list of items that can grow with your child.  I'm making this list toddler/preschooler friendly since that's what Henry is.

• change of clothing....rotate seasonally or when his/her size changes
• pair of pajamas....ever been out later than planned only to take an overtired child to bed in their clothes? well, no more!
• toothbrush with or without tooth paste.............goes along with the above
• clean sippy cup
• baby wipes..........because you just never know when you'll need them
• children's meds.......rotate these every couple months as they do expire, but it's nice to have them on hand for bad bumps or insect bites.  don't forget the syringe to administer it and a baggie to put it in after

It's 540 and it's awake

I'm not sure WHY he's awake or even when he fell asleep last night, but Sam is already up for the day. Eric said they went for a super long walk. And normally, I'd wonder, but given the fact Sam was completely out when I got home at 8, yeah, pretty sure it happened.

The challenge with him going to sleep so early is that he's up early. Neither of the boys understand the concept of sleeping past a given number of hours.  Honestly I'm surprised Henry's not awake yet, he was out by 630 last night.

Toy sorting, whatever works

Three days off and I felt I had accomplished. I took the following pictures as I was trying to sort through toys. Mainly I just wound up with another mess because of course I had to go back to work today.

I love my job, really truly love my job. I rarely go home and complain about the people I work with or the actual job I do. But there are many days when I wish I could be part-time again. So that I could realistically stay up as late as I wanted and just get stuff done. But alas my body loves sleep and my kids love getting up at the butt crack of dawn. So, I don't stay up late anymore.

So here are my "in process" pictures of trying to sort toys. First by type, then we'll decide what gets kept, sold, donated or thrown away.

I'm posting on my mobile device (iPod Touch), so I'm unsure of which pic is posting first. Basically a photo of two large boxes of misc toys and toy parts. Also a photo of my smaller toy containers, and some cardboard boxes, with the process already started.

It's Saturday night at 10, I'm in bed and not much more progress has happened. Judge me if you will, but right now I'm considering myself extremely lucky to have a 7yo snuggled up next to me and THAT is a little more important.

Benefits of being an ASD mom

Same lunch every day. The carrots are a new addition. Previously, Sam would gag and choke with the first bite. And those that know, gagging is VERY bad news. It not only means a pissed off child, but it can lead to a huge mess.....at the table.....during dinner.

So here's today's lunch. No Bento necessary, just a Funtainer from Thermos (Perdue Whole Grain Chicken Nuggets), a couple of Take-n-Yoss bowls (watermelon and carrots), and Capri Sun. I've used the TnT since he was an infant, just buying new. Guess what?? It's cheaper than Ziploc and easier for him to open.

A return of sorts

I've committed myself to blogging as a means of building time for me back into my schedule.  Also, it could mean that if I share stuff here, I'll have more time, energy, and definitely a clearer mind to be a better mommy and wife.

So, I'll be back later to determine something to post here.  I know I need an IEP update for Sam, and those interested probably want to hear what Henry is doing new these days....you know, aside from being my new favorite PITA. 

Here's a BRIEF update:

• Sam: currently in first grade, doing VERY well in reading, struggling with math, is one of the most literal thinking 7yo I know. He is building a very awesome friendship with another boy in our complex. 
• Henry: knows his letters and sound, but really no interest in writing yet.  Well, at least not on paper, his current favorite location to write/draw is any wall in our apartment. At nearly 4yo, he is NOT potty-trained and showing little interest in it.
• Eric: seriously getting down to business on getting back to work. 

I can't remember the last sleep

That was good and not interrupted by someone or something. The past two nights the boys have been up (individually). Sam was up Saturday night because he heard the tv at 230 (thank you Daddy), then I couldn't get back to sleep.

Last night Henry woke up crying and SOAKED. Got him changed and had to rub his forehead til he fell back to sleep. That was at 130 took me over an hour to fall asleep.

Keeping in mind that I have to be AT work by 645 means I'm up by 445 and out the door at 545, two little boys keeping up isn't fun. And it means I'm not very awake.

My days off are weekdays. And that means I'm up at 600 to get Sam up and ready for bed.

I may just pick a random Saturday off and utilize a floating holiday just to sleep in. But I'm sure one of the three will find a way to destroy it for me.

Breaking point

Everybody has one. Some reach it faster than others. Others just never seem to get there until it's too late. Stressors are different for everyone.

I generally try to make life easier for my family. In some ways, I don't feel like I've been successful lately. In other ways I feel I've made it too easy and therefore made it difficult for me.

I admit to wanting/needing to be in control. I also fully admit that I get upset (sometimes irrationally) when I am not in control of a situation. However, a counselor once told me, the less control someone else has in a situation, the more I will cling to that control.

In other words, my freak out isn't due to MY not being in control, it's due to NO ONE being in control. The harder I try to relinquish "control" the more extreme the reality is for more when it's not taken over by someone else.

When you hear "it will all work out for the best," you don't believe it. What exactly does the best mean? And best for who?

I believe everyone has a fate, a destiny, that God has a plan for each of us. I also believe that God helps those who help themselves. And to me that statement has two meanings.

The first being that God has a plan, but you can't sit back and wait. You need to take action to do what's necessary and He'll provide everything else.

The second meaning, and this is a 2am revelation, is that you can turn the wording around a little to read: God helps those who they themselves help. By that I mean, God will help you as you help others.

I try to be a good friend, offering prayers and support, suggestions when asked, even giving a few items away if necessary. I know it comes back to me.

At the same time, I constantly feel an immense about of stress and recently hit a point where a full blown panic attack occurred for the first time in many years. My body shuts down in a variety of ways, but this was a big breaking point. I felt like I was drowning, stopping several times to purposefully hold my breath thinking it would help me breathe.

I mentioned it's 2am and you might wonder why I'm awake. Well, for starters, Henry woke up screaming and soaking wet. Took me a while to get him changed and back to sleep. Then I realized I hadn't put that load of laundry in. (it is necessary so I have clean work pants tomorrow)

What is distressing to me is that my alarm will go off at 445. And the other thought is that I was awake for two hours Saturday night as well because Sam woke up.

This is just late night rambling, but I find it's when I do my best thinking.

If you know me in real life, you know I run a little high strung. I'm working in it, really I am. I'd like nothing more than to be taken care of, to be part of a cohesive team, and to raise Sam and Henry do they are self-sufficient.

Lately though, I feel like I am failing miserably. Hence the panic attack, the high stress, lack of sleep and constant desire to not do anything to help others. I can't help myself, how can I help others?

Diagnosis & progress....

I have been slacking in the area of getting Sam to a neuropsych for a full diagnosis. I need to call and get a new list for the Orlando area.

That said, I do want to share some things that you might not know. While Sam is very mildly on the spectrum he is most definitely on it.

Some kids rock or bang their head, Sam will hit himself in the head. Repeatedly.

Some kids arm flap, snap, have some level of constant movement. Sam's flapping happens during periods of excitement/happiness but is beyond what would be normal behavior. He hears music and canNOT sit still.

Sam will make eye contact but not maintain it.

On the subject of contact, Sam is actually quite affectionate. He frequently sleeps with/between us for that closeness. But he is still learning boundaries and it's not going well when it involves me.

Writing is very hard for Sam but even more so if he has to transition from the board to his desk. We're going to have his eyes checked to make sure there isn't a problem there.

More later......

My husband finally quit smoking

It's just been a week and while he's had a back-up plan on 2mg of gum, he's pretty much done it cold turkey. I'm so proud of him.

I hope that this continues.

New uses for old things

A new edition....will be adding more later, but here's what I've got that's new right now:

On a search for better dishcloths, I simply cut up some of the older stained kitchen towels. Voila! Smaller than regular dishcloths, they are easier for me to handle and work with than others I just bought.  Plus, no money spent, which is actually the best part.

Update on Sam

While I am grateful to be back in the Orlando area with doctors that know Sam and everything he endured as an infant/toddler, I do NOT have faith in the school system we are part of. A shining light so far has been the assistant principal.

After a discussion with the sped coordinator at the school, where I was informed they'd be removing the "developmentally delayed" coding from his IEP and placing him under "speech and language impaired," I set about making some phone calls. I should note here, I registered him for school the first week of August and here it was the start of September and they had not yet requested his records from his school in Michigan. All they had was his IEP, no evidence of testing. ????? I gave her the name of the school, telephone number and the name of who she needed to talk to. Why was she so surprised that I knew this information?

Anyway, first I called and left a message with the pediatrician's nurse. I stated I needed to know what could be in Sam's file to help me do more than just an SLI coding. I got a phone call after hours direclty from the pedi. We spoke briefly and he said whatever I needed from him, including forms to be filled out, he'd do. (he's incredible, truly incredible)

My next call was to the pediatric neurologist. Thankfully, because it was less than three years (barely) since his last visit, they could still take him with his insurance. Got him an appt for yesterday.

When the school called again to say they were sending home paperwork for his IEP, she indicated they had a medical form. I asked for two so the pedi could do one as well as the neuro.

The appt with the neuro went very well. It was with one of hte Nurse Practitioners, but NPs down here are fairly common and we have yet to have one at a specialist's office that wasn't well-qualified. They picked up right where we left off in December 08.

An MRI with blood work is ordered (scheduled for Oct 20) and a referral for a neuropsych evaluation has been made. Just have to find one close enough.

When Sam had some work done three years ago, one urine test came back weird, so they want to redo that one. The MRI will give them a study of his brain to see if there's any seizure activity.

While so far no one believes Sam is ready for a full Autism diagnosis, he is definitely still on the spectrum. Keeping the PDD diagnosis was what was best for him at the time. There are tendencies, but nothing huge or outward. He just doesn't fit it.

Why I took a part-time job

It seems more and more companies are hiring fewer full-time employees. Why? It costs more....by the time you add in whatever benefits package that FTer has, it could feasibly just be cheaper to hire 2-5 PT employees.

However, a company will often hire part-time people with full-time employment waiting in the wings. They want to test you out first. Hiring and counting on a FT person that doesn't work out wastes WEEKS of training on that person, as well as the time involved by the trainer, human resources and subsequently management who has to rehire.

Disney now first offers FT spots to its PT Cast Members before ever heading externally. This way both sides gets to try the other out. Like being PT? Great, deny the spot. Don't really want to leave the PT spot you have for a FT spot elsewhere because you're holding out for FT at your location? Great again. But, get offered that prime spot you've been wanting? BONUS for you.

You get the spot you originally wanted and Disney gets a CM that truly wants to create a magical experience for its Guests.

Me? I want to be backstage. I loved my role as a CoT, even the one I didn't excel at the way I wish I had. But I still learned about myself, others, and about Disney as a company in that experience. Even more backstage is a position that would allow me to work more closely with training development and with management.

THIS is where I dream to be. Backstage, helping others learn how to create the magic. Making sure Disney Cast Members have the tools and resources available to them to make a special vacation moment turn unbelievable.

Like this: My parents took her and my sister to Disney World in May 1999. As they approached Winnie the Pooh, he took one look at this beautiful baby (she really was a cute baby) and rather than simply stand next to my sister for pictures, Pooh sat down on the ground and held my niece for pictures. Pooh's friend said he rarely did that, Pooh was still rather a stand-up gentleman after all.

Part-time employment gets your foot in the door. Sure it makes paying the bills a whole lot harder, but I know at least at Disney, there are extra hours available, especially if you are willing to work parade control or custodial. (which I am)

I'm aiming high, but will take my steps into the Kingdom any way I can get them.

WOOHOO!

Got a job. Granted, it's part-time, but it's back at Disney and that was a goal of mine. So, YAY me for goal accomplishment!

Feeling incredibly incompetent

I love my children, I love my husband. Why is it so bad to want to spend a bit of time away from them and outside the four walls that make up our apartment? Why is it bad that I feel energized by being away? It sounds horrible, but when I'm here all the time, I think everyone (including me) takes that for granted.

Mom will kiss the boo-boos. Mom will make dinner. Mom will vacuum and do laundry. Later I'll read that story to the boys. Later I'll spend some adult time with my husband.

Yet, I apply and apply and apply for jobs and no one seems interested in me. I did get THREE rejection letters. Sadly one of them was from Target. The other two came from the hospital I had the boys at. Apparently I'm not qualified to serve food or clean hospital rooms.

I'm considering checking out Rosetta Stone for Spanish from the library. Every other job posting is looking for someone that's bilingual.

I hate being unemployed. I don't feel useful. I don't feel needed by anyone outside the family. And while I am needed inside the family, I don't necessarily feel appreciated.

Yes, that's important to me.

Kitchen BEFORE pictures

I won't have AFTER pictures for a while, but I wanted you to see the before pictures.

The silverware drawer. I have a nice Reed & Barton set of silverware, to include all the great serving pieces and ICED TEA spoons. As you can see, we only have a little drawer thingy. I have the boys' spoons in an Ikea container and the boys' forks just thrown in. My R&B steak knives are in a plastic bag. Pathetic huh? Bed Bath and Beyond has these great organizers, can't wait for that unlimited money day because I will be buying at least three different organizers.
The specialty drawer. Yep, that's a mini cake pan holding most of the specialty stuff like ice cream scoops, corn pickers, spatulas, the boys' bumpy name labels and several other miscellaneous items are in this drawer. Oh, yeah, and the plug for hte griddle. (which btw also needs to be replaced.)

Junk drawer. Wow, it's a narrow drawer. But, it's a great place for charger cords, scotch tape, batteries and the Ikea clips.

Six years ago ................

I was in the hospital, getting all drugged up for my first birth. It had been an ungodly hot summer that year and I was working outside at Disney's Typhoon Lagoon. I went for my 40 week check up and the dr didn't like what he saw in terms of my measurements.

So, I got an ultrasound right then and there. It showed my amnio fluids, which had been high all along, had dropped significantly. As in from 22 down to 5. L&D readers will know what that means....all I knew is that it meant I was being sent to be induced.

My mom (herein known as Nana) had flown in and gone to the appt with me, we swung by the apt to get Eric. I spent the next few hours getting prepped and checked, got my epidural and slept for a while in between contractions. Honest to God, I have no recollection if Nana and Eric stayed, or just Eric or just Nana.

It was a restless night. I was a day from my due date and just wanted it to be over.

The story of Sam's name:
Samuel comes from my great-grandfather on my paternal grandmother's side. It was a middle name, but we liked it for a first name.
Anthony is Eric's middle name as well as his dad's. FIL actually goes by Tony.

So, while I had a restless night ahead of me, I at least had an email from my sister wishing me luck, my mom, and my husband.

Around 10p.m. I was begging for food. Prior to my 11a.m. appt, I'd had poptarts for breakfast. Nothing since. So, the dr came to check me. Yeah, 3cm. *rolling eyes*

My mom went down to find some microwave food for me....it was actually decent mac-n-cheese.

More tomorrow....the day of his birth!