Ramblings at 1:00 a.m.

So I spent a good while talking to Duck's EI therapist last night. We went over the MChAT I had done on my own. She completely agreed with me on all three markers. 13 he still does not do faces, it's too abstract for DUCK, but 15 and 17 he does do now. I was so elated that she agreed with me.

Then we started talking about verbal words and I shared "nana" and "soos" with her. She went on to tell me he actually has said some other words like "ircle" (circle) for her. She's sending me a list so that I have it for the neuro on Monday.

It seems to me that Duck can't/won't form consonants with his tongue. I don't know if that has to do with the late transition to solids/table foods or the massive vomiting he did as an infant, possibly both. I just know he uses more vowel sounds than consonants. Take for instance, the speech therapists name. It's Jacquie, but Duck only says "a-ee" when he sees her. Now, he knows how to use consonants because he can say "nana" and "ball" but it's curious that he is still wavering on using his tongue.

Oh, another good example. My dad has taught all the grandkids to make this funky noise with their tongue. If y'all know my dad, you know the silly sound I'm talking about. EXCEPT NOT DUCK. He won't do it. But, the other night we're in Publix and I'm walking down the aisle flicking my tongue back and forth just like my dad and usually I get NOTHING in return, but Friday night, he tries to do it. His tongue does NOT jet out of his mouth, but he's trying to use the roof of his mouth and his lips/back of his upper teeth to do it. We were so excited. People thought we were NUTS getting so excited about a simple noise.

This is the same child who rolls his tongue for the word "cheese". Think of a cat purring the long "e" sound, that's "cheese" to Duck.

Definitely knows what a cow is after today. Kept picking up his cow and saying "dow". I did ask him "where's the cow?" and he picked it right up. Course, he only did it once and wouldn't do it again if I begged with a promise of ice cream, but he did do it once.

I'm start to agree with Jacquie more and more that Duck's issue is physical, not mental. Now, if I could get him to chew a piece of gum, we might have a method to strengthen his jaw muscles and his tongue.

As far as how I'm feeling? Depressed. In a state of anger and denial, mainly. I have some logic on what's going on, aside from the cysts that is. For nearly two years after I had Duck, I played what form of bc is it this month? It wasn't til March of last year that I'd had enough. After three forms of the pill, plus the Ring, the Patch and depo provera in 18 months, I think my body is on strike from artificial hormones. I'm hoping that the RE can give me some hope that I didn't do permanent damage. I just can't do any more hormones.........they mess with my head and my body too much.

I just want to know what is going on NOW and how to fix it. Kind of like figuring out Duck....doesn't matter how we got here, let's just find a way to fix it to make everyone's life better.

E has been so incredibly supportive. I love him so very much. He's been super about letting me scream, cry, vent. He's let me be alone, he's held me when I needed to cry. Most importantly he's just been there for me.