WHY?

Why is it that I ask the man to do a simple task and all I get is attitude and eye rolls? When we moved last week, we decided to finally pitch an old broken monitor. It's been broken for easily two years. I think we moved it broken the last time. It's a monstrosity of a Sony Trinitron monitor. Needs a new plug. I just want it GONE. We have a lightweight, flat screen Samsung monitor now. WHY would I need that other thing that probably weighs a good 100 pounds? Should have been thrown out when we moved in.

Why is it that Duck will be WIDE awake until the last 5 minutes before E gets home, then he wants to snuggle with Mommy? This means that as soon as E walks in, he's back to wide awake. I just want to be able to get him to bed by myself like I used to when E first started working this job.

Why am I hell-bent on regaining the 6.4 pounds I've already lost? It was a bad WW week. We went grovery shopping last week and E had to have M&Ms. Um, bad idea. I can't keep my fingers out of them. I have ZERO will power. When I lived alone, weight loss was easy. I ate when I was hungry, I ate mainly chicken, salads, fruit and cereal. And really, cereal wasn't all that common. My typical breakfast was a cheese and tomato omelette or two hard boiled eggs and some fruit. Anyway, my days were completely different when I lived alone.

WHY can't I do some of those things now??

When I was single I:
Walked 3-5 miles every.single.day without fail. Three miles every morning, 2 miles at night 3-4 days a week.
The nights I didn't walk? I did Tae Bo at school with a friend.
Woke up at 5:30 a.m. to go walk and usually put a load of laundry in. By the time I was back from my walk, I could put the load in the dryer. I'd put my chicken in the oven to back while I was showering/getting ready and I have a freshly cooked piece for lunch or dinner every day.
I was in bed by 9:30, asleep by 10:00 nearly every night during the week. Okay, aside from the nights I had class in grad school, but mostly I went to bed early.

I should be able to do some of that now, but I can't for some reason. Guess I'm a slacker. Or just plain unmotivated.

I have to say that's where I'm a follower most of all. I dated this guy for a while. Head over heels in love for a good portion of our time together. I learned a lot about myself during that time.....and really that relationship set the stage for the rest of my life. Anyway, he was fairly athletic......a coach at that. (family will know who Im talking about). We would WALK and WALK and WALK. We did the Riverwalk in Lansing all the time. Eventually we did it from end to end. But, because he's at least 6' and athletic, you can imagine me at then 180lbs and 5'3 trying to keep up. I did it though. With the walking, eating better, and Tae Bo, I wound up losing 40+ pounds in about 6 months time. Think he noticed or said something? Nope. His sister did, but not him.

My point is that he made me WANT to be a better eater and to be more active.

I love E. Really, I do. But when it comes to this kind of stuff..............it's HARD. Probably the HARDEST thing I have ever done in my life. I just don't want to be a better eater or more active. Aside from Duck, I have no motivation.

I know, you're thinking Duck should be motivation enough. And a lot of times, he is. I'm sticking to my WW, still losing a little each week. I'm trying to take the stairs more, even if it's just the two flights up and my knees are grinding worse than gravel. But right now, eating is a big hinderance for me. In a way I wish we still lived in MI so that I could know the towns and area so I could feel 100% safe and familiar enough to walk at 5:30 in the morning. Sadly, I don't feel that way right now. Be nice even if I could drop Duck somewhere so I could go work out. Yeah, right.....I can't even get away for an hour to grocery shop by myself anymore.


OKay, I'll stop babbling now.

BTW, did ya VOTE?