Saturday, July 30, 2011

Feeling incredibly incompetent

I love my children, I love my husband. Why is it so bad to want to spend a bit of time away from them and outside the four walls that make up our apartment? Why is it bad that I feel energized by being away? It sounds horrible, but when I'm here all the time, I think everyone (including me) takes that for granted.

Mom will kiss the boo-boos. Mom will make dinner. Mom will vacuum and do laundry. Later I'll read that story to the boys. Later I'll spend some adult time with my husband.

Yet, I apply and apply and apply for jobs and no one seems interested in me. I did get THREE rejection letters. Sadly one of them was from Target. The other two came from the hospital I had the boys at. Apparently I'm not qualified to serve food or clean hospital rooms.

I'm considering checking out Rosetta Stone for Spanish from the library. Every other job posting is looking for someone that's bilingual.

I hate being unemployed. I don't feel useful. I don't feel needed by anyone outside the family. And while I am needed inside the family, I don't necessarily feel appreciated.

Yes, that's important to me.

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